Relationships bridge move to college
Lauren Miller
Issue date: 9/14/06 Section: TruLife
Junior Kailey Ellis considers herself an introvert.
She might not be the shyest woman on campus, but she is not one to go out of the way to introduce herself.
Like most first-years, at the start of her freshman year, Ellis said she was a bit nervous about making new friends. She came from St. Joseph, Mo., and knew a couple of people.
However, she ultimately knew she had to meet new people and make new friends.
Failing to make connections such as new relationships can lead to illness, studies show.
Students who've reported feeling lonely suffer from a weaker immune system compared to students who did not feel lonely, according to a study done at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh.
After students received a flu shot, researchers drew blood samples to see how well their immune system had responded to the flu virus.
Those students who reported varying degrees of loneliness had a less effective response than those who did not report loneliness, according to the study.
But combating the flu wasn't on the top of the list for Ellis. She just wanted to make new friends.
"My roommates were extroverts and always had our door open, so that helped a lot," Ellis said.
Now, at the start of her junior year, Ellis said she is much more established at Truman.
She said she recommends getting involved in an organization to help overcome any shyness.
"Don't shy away from meeting new people," Ellis said. "Don't hibernate in your dorm just because you have Internet at your fingertips. Get out."
Friendships
Brett Larsen wrote in his book, "Close Friendships in Adolescence," that childhood friendships develop out of the idea of reciprocations, such as when young children share snacks with each other.
Adolescent friendships are based on the same concept but can be taken to a deeper level when dealing with confidence, trust and loyalty.
Intense feelings of loneliness are not uncommon, especially in college students.
Students who feel intense feelings of loneliness can experience difficulty making friends because they often feel they are the only people experiencing these feelings, according to the University of Illinois - Urbana Champaign Counseling Center Web site.
Brian Krylowicz, director of Truman's University Counseling Services, said it's important to meet new people on campus and become connected to the community.
"You have to integrate yourself to really enjoy it," Krylowicz said. "It's funny for me for the upperclassmen who once had the 'I hate Kirksville' attitude and then by their second or third year say 'I love this place.'"
Romantic Relationships
Just like a new friendship, a romantic relationship requires a "mutual need fulfillment," meaning partners need to be able to give the other person a feeling of care, love, affection and adoration, wrote Shulman Shmuel, author of "Romantic Relationships in Adolescence."
In fact, Shmuel writes that by college, serious romantic relationships begin to replace close friendships possibly because of the move away from home and increased maturity when dealing with a romantic partner.
Krylowicz said it's important to not rush into a romantic relationship. He said taking time to know someone becomes imperative because things and people can change.
"Try not to come in here trying to find your husband or wife or partner or whatever instantly," Krylowicz said.
Although someone might find their true love now, Krylowicz said finding people you like and then taking time to know them well instead of just rushing into something will help form healthy relationships.
Krylowicz said more introverted people, who usually operate on a more personal, individual level, should take small steps to making new friends.
"First, overcome any shyness of saying 'Hi, my name is so and so,'" Krylowicz said.
Krylowicz said it's important to remember to take initiative to meet new people.
He suggested taking a break from studying to see what events are going on.
Professional Relationships
Networking early will give students an edge above other possible employees during the job search. Lesa Ketterlinus, director of the Career Center, said starting freshman year is not too early.
"What you know gets you the job," Ketterlinus said. "It's who you know that'll get you in the door."
Getting networking down early could even lead to avoiding the whole 'job search' scenario, Ketterlinus said. Students often think it's inappropriate to initiate contact, she said, which is not true because it's understood that one day the favor will be reciprocated.
Building a network now becomes a valuable tool for future employment.
"The statistic that is often repeated is that 75 percent of the jobs are gotten on the hidden job market, which are not posted in the paper or on the internet," Ketterlinus said. "Those are the jobs that you don't have access to unless you learn the art of networking."
Ketterlinus said bulldog.net, which contains an alumni mentoring database of people who have volunteered to talk to Truman students, is great for students who are ready to start building professional relationships.
For more introverted people, overcoming that shyness to ask for help will help get a jump start on networking.
Ketterlinus suggested visiting the Career Center, an adviser or a professor, if students feel they need help.
"Realize that you will probably have to step outside your comfort zone," Ketterlinus said.
She might not be the shyest woman on campus, but she is not one to go out of the way to introduce herself.
Like most first-years, at the start of her freshman year, Ellis said she was a bit nervous about making new friends. She came from St. Joseph, Mo., and knew a couple of people.
However, she ultimately knew she had to meet new people and make new friends.
Failing to make connections such as new relationships can lead to illness, studies show.
Students who've reported feeling lonely suffer from a weaker immune system compared to students who did not feel lonely, according to a study done at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh.
After students received a flu shot, researchers drew blood samples to see how well their immune system had responded to the flu virus.
Those students who reported varying degrees of loneliness had a less effective response than those who did not report loneliness, according to the study.
But combating the flu wasn't on the top of the list for Ellis. She just wanted to make new friends.
"My roommates were extroverts and always had our door open, so that helped a lot," Ellis said.
Now, at the start of her junior year, Ellis said she is much more established at Truman.
She said she recommends getting involved in an organization to help overcome any shyness.
"Don't shy away from meeting new people," Ellis said. "Don't hibernate in your dorm just because you have Internet at your fingertips. Get out."
Friendships
Brett Larsen wrote in his book, "Close Friendships in Adolescence," that childhood friendships develop out of the idea of reciprocations, such as when young children share snacks with each other.
Adolescent friendships are based on the same concept but can be taken to a deeper level when dealing with confidence, trust and loyalty.
Intense feelings of loneliness are not uncommon, especially in college students.
Students who feel intense feelings of loneliness can experience difficulty making friends because they often feel they are the only people experiencing these feelings, according to the University of Illinois - Urbana Champaign Counseling Center Web site.
Brian Krylowicz, director of Truman's University Counseling Services, said it's important to meet new people on campus and become connected to the community.
"You have to integrate yourself to really enjoy it," Krylowicz said. "It's funny for me for the upperclassmen who once had the 'I hate Kirksville' attitude and then by their second or third year say 'I love this place.'"
Romantic Relationships
Just like a new friendship, a romantic relationship requires a "mutual need fulfillment," meaning partners need to be able to give the other person a feeling of care, love, affection and adoration, wrote Shulman Shmuel, author of "Romantic Relationships in Adolescence."
In fact, Shmuel writes that by college, serious romantic relationships begin to replace close friendships possibly because of the move away from home and increased maturity when dealing with a romantic partner.
Krylowicz said it's important to not rush into a romantic relationship. He said taking time to know someone becomes imperative because things and people can change.
"Try not to come in here trying to find your husband or wife or partner or whatever instantly," Krylowicz said.
Although someone might find their true love now, Krylowicz said finding people you like and then taking time to know them well instead of just rushing into something will help form healthy relationships.
Krylowicz said more introverted people, who usually operate on a more personal, individual level, should take small steps to making new friends.
"First, overcome any shyness of saying 'Hi, my name is so and so,'" Krylowicz said.
Krylowicz said it's important to remember to take initiative to meet new people.
He suggested taking a break from studying to see what events are going on.
Professional Relationships
Networking early will give students an edge above other possible employees during the job search. Lesa Ketterlinus, director of the Career Center, said starting freshman year is not too early.
"What you know gets you the job," Ketterlinus said. "It's who you know that'll get you in the door."
Getting networking down early could even lead to avoiding the whole 'job search' scenario, Ketterlinus said. Students often think it's inappropriate to initiate contact, she said, which is not true because it's understood that one day the favor will be reciprocated.
Building a network now becomes a valuable tool for future employment.
"The statistic that is often repeated is that 75 percent of the jobs are gotten on the hidden job market, which are not posted in the paper or on the internet," Ketterlinus said. "Those are the jobs that you don't have access to unless you learn the art of networking."
Ketterlinus said bulldog.net, which contains an alumni mentoring database of people who have volunteered to talk to Truman students, is great for students who are ready to start building professional relationships.
For more introverted people, overcoming that shyness to ask for help will help get a jump start on networking.
Ketterlinus suggested visiting the Career Center, an adviser or a professor, if students feel they need help.
"Realize that you will probably have to step outside your comfort zone," Ketterlinus said.