Tips for what not to do on first dates
Commentary
Anne Rebar
Issue date: 3/4/10 Section: TruLife
If you ask people to make a list of the most stressful situations in their lives, I can guarantee most would include first dates. Whether you're the type who rarely dates or someone who's been broken up with more times than Jennifer Aniston, a first date (or two, or 50) is bound to pop up. It could be the first day of the rest of your lives together or a disaster the size of the Titanic, your views of the opposite sex sinking with every bad joke and snorting laugh. All first dates will undoubtedly not be fairy tales, but here are a few tips to keep them from bombing:
1. Be on time.
There's nothing worse than waiting around for someone you barely know to show up. First of all, at this point, you aren't even sure if the person is worth your time, so spending half of it waiting for him or her to show up is just annoying. Second, not being on time clearly shows disrespect and egotism right off the bat - not a winning combination. An article by the eHarmony staff at eHarmony.com said not being on time leaves the other person under the impression that you don't think the date is important. If some extenuating circumstance makes being on time impossible, at least give your date a call and let them know what's up.
2. Don't talk about your ex.
Period. End of story. The eHarmony article said that talking about an ex makes it seem as if you are stuck in the past and not ready to move on to something new. On a first date, the last person you were in a relationship with should not be the one who's on your mind. Your attention should be focused on getting to know the person in front of you rather than rehashing what happened with the one you left behind.
3. This is not a job interview.
Dating advice author April Masini said you don't want to give your entire autobiography on the first date, and you shouldn't be trying to sell yourself for the position of this person's boyfriend or girlfriend. They aren't hiring you. They just want to get to know you. Similarly, they don't want to just sit and hear about you the whole date. Hogging the conversation makes you look self-centered. Listen and ask questions because, after all, you should be trying to get to know them too.
1. Be on time.
There's nothing worse than waiting around for someone you barely know to show up. First of all, at this point, you aren't even sure if the person is worth your time, so spending half of it waiting for him or her to show up is just annoying. Second, not being on time clearly shows disrespect and egotism right off the bat - not a winning combination. An article by the eHarmony staff at eHarmony.com said not being on time leaves the other person under the impression that you don't think the date is important. If some extenuating circumstance makes being on time impossible, at least give your date a call and let them know what's up.
2. Don't talk about your ex.
Period. End of story. The eHarmony article said that talking about an ex makes it seem as if you are stuck in the past and not ready to move on to something new. On a first date, the last person you were in a relationship with should not be the one who's on your mind. Your attention should be focused on getting to know the person in front of you rather than rehashing what happened with the one you left behind.
3. This is not a job interview.
Dating advice author April Masini said you don't want to give your entire autobiography on the first date, and you shouldn't be trying to sell yourself for the position of this person's boyfriend or girlfriend. They aren't hiring you. They just want to get to know you. Similarly, they don't want to just sit and hear about you the whole date. Hogging the conversation makes you look self-centered. Listen and ask questions because, after all, you should be trying to get to know them too.
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